I don’t know what to do anymore, my mom has been in the hospital since Monday. She came in for a simple vertebroplasty and was supposed to leave the next day. It has been 6 days and she is still not out, we learned that she needs to go through another more complicated operation and the worst is that I feel that things are getting out of hand, or out of my hands.
She feels relaxed to be in the hospital, she feels that she is not hurting or burdening any of us and thus is willingly to stay here. Before she refused to take pain killers, she used to take much less than the dosage the doctors prescribed for her and thus was in constant pain at home, now that she is here I feel like she has surrendered, she is not fighting anymore and it is killing me.
I cannot even talk her through it since my brothers are so over protective of her and want her to follow the doctor’s prescription by the letter. Yesterday she was under so much morphine that she was sleeping while talking to us and she could not remember if things happened in her dream or in real life, so I asked the nurses to decrease the morphine dosages. They agreed but the added a new medicine to it. I feel they are over medicating my mom and I cannot do anything about it!
We have stopped treating the real problem which is the tumor itself since the liver has been attacked and we cannot deal with it until we get the operation over and done with.
I feel so powerless, I have surrendered everything to God, whom I trust with the most important and precious thing in my life : my mom , but at the same time I need to be fighting, I need to know that she is fighting . I know that if she has a strong intention to live she will succeed in this battle and get out of it alive.
The goal of the process is to strengthen your intention to live--not necessarily to live for a certain numbers of years, but to live life fully in each moment.
If you take good care of the moment, the years will take care of themselves.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. - NIETZSCHE
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